September 24th, 2008

Current Location: Texas Time: 02:50 pm Current Mood: confused

So  I am really weirded out right now. I came in to work this morning and there was an envelope on my chair that had been opened and a stack of folded, copied papers that had presumably been in the envelope. I assumed my boss left it for me to read, and It looked like a newsletter or something so I put it with the rest of the mail that wasn't pressing and got on with my day. I just got around to actually looking at the papers, and wtf?! the first page was copied from "New Woman Magazine" and dated 1982. It's a quiz called "What kind of man could you attract?" and contains questions like the following: You plan an evening for the man in your life. You do NOT consider what he would most like to do, but what YOU would be most comfortable doing with him. You would: A. Set up a candlelight-and-wine evening B. Take him to the theatre, opera or movie C. Prepare a home-cooked meal D. Go to a sports event, bowling, skating or for an outing The A's attract "sophisticated men with mating in mind," B's "serious-minded professionals," C's "homeloving men who want warmth and babying" and D's "active and athletic men." There are questions about what clothes you wear, what kind of car you'd like, what kind of pet you'd like, etc, and it is all very Holly Housewife. The rest of the papers were a photocopied article from Psychology magazine from 1974 entitled, "The Adaptive Consequences of Drinking," which details a theory about why alcoholics keep drinking even when they know they are alcoholics, and how terribly sad it is. Um, excuse me? To me, this seems like my boss has taken an antiquated approach to telling me that I ought to shape up, quit drinking and attract a nice man that fits into one of those neat little categories. I am obviously quite baffled because 1) I am not an alcoholic, 2) I am already married and 3) It is 2008.

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September 17th, 2008

Current Location: Texas Time: 05:24 pm Current Mood: tired

Dear co-worker, Not only are you a greedy, passive-aggressive bitch, but today you revealed that you are a greedy, passive-aggressive bitch that listens to Kenny G. As such, I wish you would go to hell. Sincerely, Your co-worker

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August 1st, 2008

Time: 11:24 pm Current Mood: pumped

I'm getting married tomorrow :)

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July 3rd, 2008

Current Music: Stevie Wonder - I Believe (When I Fall in Love...) Current Location: GA Time: 03:05 pm Current Mood: excited

I'm getting married in less than a month. Venues, vendors, dress and hair and shoes, everything is done. No more folding and gluing and ribboning invitations, no more fittings or silly nagging phone calls. All that's left is to assign people to dinner tables and decide what music I can't not hear at our wedding. Kitchen appliances keep arriving at our door. We're moving to our new house in two weeks. Then a week of work and then off to GA for a week of preparation. A whirlwind of smiling faces, a week on the beach in Belize. I cannot wait to be married. And I will see some of you there. I cannot even express what that means to me, that so many people are traveling so far. We have been through so much together, and I love that it's only the beginning. It's finally sinking in that I'm not planning someone else's beautiful day and beautiful life. It's actually me and it's actually us and it's actually happening. I'm about to be a Button!

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January 30th, 2008

Current Location: Texas Time: 12:19 pm Current Mood: anxious

The job search sucks. I need income, and I cannot go on the way I've been since I moved here, which is jobless and leaking money everywhere with nothing coming in, being strung along week after week and then rejected. Keeping in mind that, in order to finish my degree, I must either work or volunteer in my field for 40 hrs a week for 4-6 months, and must at least begin that process within this semester, what would you do? 1. Just get a job, any job, and leave it when you get THE job. It may take a few months, and it will push back getting your degree, but it will be worth the financial stability while you're trying to plan a wedding. 2. Take a job, any job, work it for a month full time to save some money up, then reduce it to part time and take the unpaid internship. It will hedge time a little bit so you can keep looking for real jobs, and it puts off the degree, but it's better than leaving the degree to an unpredictable  point in time. 3. Take the unpaid internship, and get any job at night. It will suck to essentially be working 2 full-time jobs, but at least you'll be finishing your degree up and have some money coming in while you do it. Plus, if a real job comes along, you're already friends with the boss of the internship and she will understand if you have to leave it. 4. Take a full-time job that's completely unrelated, and try to convince IU that it's totally related. 5. Something else? Please help, I really have no idea what's a good plan and what isn't. Well, I know that sitting here without a job is definitely not a good plan.

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January 21st, 2008

Current Location: Texas Subject: Engagement! Time: 11:21 am Current Mood: excited

No more whining or sad for the time being, because Jon proposed to me yesterday! Jon and I have our thing with koalas, and we'd been trying to get down to Houston to go to the zoo but we never found time over the summer and it's been hectic since I moved down here, but this weekend was a holiday and the weather was supposed to be nice so I suggested we go down there and do something fun. Being us, we also brought our little stuffed koalas to see the real koalas. Jon's original plan for the day was to propose at the zoo in front of where the koalas were, because on the zoo map it looked like a big enclosure and house thing, but they ended up only having one koala out and he was little and sleeping and there really wasn't much going on. (His name was Yannathan, though, which made us giggle). So he had to change his plan around. After we went to the zoo, we had a few hours left until we were planning to meet one of Jon's friends for dinner, so we decided to go to the Museum of Natural Science and check things out because it was right down the road. I was really concentrating on navigating the traffic circles and trying to find a place to park on the street, and I barely noticed that Jon had been fussing in my purse and managed to put the ring on the arm of one of the stuffed koalas in my purse. He had planned to leave it there until we were at a quiet or neat part of the museum and then tell me that he thought the koala had a present for me. However, when we went into the museum to buy tickets, he handed me the tickets for the planetarium and asked me to put them in my purse for later. Well obviously once I opened my purse I noticed the sparkly bling that my koala friend was wearing, and I said, "Oho what is this?" And Jon was so unprepared for the fact that I might find the ring on my own right away that he said, "Huh what is what? Oh yeah!" So, in the busy main hallway of the museum, he asked me and I said yes. Of course, we didn't see much of the museum for the first half hour or so, but it really was an amazingly perfect day. Oh, and the ring is a round 5/8 carat solitaire in white gold, and Jon will tell anyone who asks that is is certified near colorless. It is the perfect size and I love it - he did very well :) We haven't set a date or made any decisions or anything, but all that will come soon I suppose. Hooray!

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January 14th, 2008

Current Location: Texas Time: 12:13 pm Current Mood: okay

I've been here two weeks, and finally I accomplished something to end my string of failures and job rejection letters: I passed the symphony audition! Of course, it's a little orchestra akin to the one I left in Lafayette, and I have been warned that most of the string sections are made up of contract players from far away who only show up the week of the concert, but I am so excited to have an orchestra in my life again. The first concert coming up includes Pictures at an Exhibition, and later in the spring we will tackle the Saint-Saens Organ Symphony, which I've played once as a middle-schooler and can't wait to revisit with a group of adults. We rehearse weekly on thursdays, and I can't wait to get started. Plus, this means a little money rolling in, which is always good. I'm still luckless on the job front, although I'm trying to apply for as much as I can that will fit the needs of my degree. I've given myself until the beginning of February to find something before I suck it up, start my unpaid internship and submit my application for food stamps. I feel like sending a copy to IU just so the program gets a good idea of what it means to send us out, require 40 hours of volunteer time a week for 5 months and take away the fellowship that pays for tuition. But hopefully something will come along before then. I've been looking in earnest since October and so far not so much as a phone call has come my way, but you never know. And the internship I have lined up with NPR will be really great, I think. If only I didn't need to pay the rent or live. My apartment is finally shaping up, and should improve even more this week now that I don't have to practice all day for an audition. It's a little sketchy, and the neighbors are interesting, but overall it's quiet and homey and functional, and no roommates other than the occasional Button :) And of course, now that I've finally broken down and installed an internet connection, I can actually spend time here rather than hauling myself into coffee shops just to keep in touch and look for jobs. Someone please employ me. I'm afraid the longer I go without a job, the more I'll forget about everything I know how to do.

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December 14th, 2007

Current Location: GA Time: 05:11 pm Current Mood: ecstatic

It's amazing what an unexpected paycheck will do for your outlook on life :)

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December 12th, 2007

Current Music: I Miss You - Incubus Current Location: GA Time: 01:28 am Current Mood: sleepy

Please send all of the positive vibes you can spare in my direction....there are two wonderful jobs in TX that I would love to have, and the powers that be have my application information. All I can do now is sit and wait and hope and pray that I spent the semester looking and found nothing because one of these lovelies was waiting for me all along at the end of it all. I need one of these jobs so badly. In other news: - Done with IU! Well, done with Bloomington, and done with classes, not technically done with IU yet. But definitely done with the state of Indiana for quite a long time :) - OK fine. I need to turn in my Development final. Then done with school. But I can do that from the luxury of my little green room in GA, so I'm not at all fussed about it. - Off to Texas! My lease in Bryan begins on the first of next year, and I cannot wait to get down there and moved in and set up, and then...hopefully have a brand new job to get to! - Christmas in the 'Well is interesting, especially since it's 75 degrees out every day. Unfortunately, I'm unemployable because I'm leaving on 12/29, but maybe something will turn up? I can always hope. I'd love to have a little extra cash for the move. - I need to practice for my BVSO audition. I need to practice a lot. But all I want to do is sleep and read novels. - I also need to bake :) It's not Christmas without goodies, especially the goodies that come out of a cookie gun :) Hooray! At long last, a list of Happy instead of a list of Annoyance :)

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November 16th, 2007

Current Music: Straight Line - Silverchair Current Location: blue house Time: 08:31 pm Current Mood: cold

- I am taking all of next week off from school. The only thing keeping me here would be one class on monday evening, and it's a class I detest so I'm not going to go. I'm leaving for Georgia first thing on sunday (I have to work the tailgate tomorrow) and spending a few days there, and then I'm going to Cleveland because it's Jon's family's turn for thanksgiving. I am so excited to not be in Bloomington. - Speaking of not being in Bloomington, I figured out that I can finish everything I need to finish by the last week of classes, rather than staying through finals week. My one "final" is a take-home assignment that is only a few pages long and has already been assigned, so I am going to try to knock that out this week. This eliminates a whole week of time I have to spend here, which makes me incredibly happy. - I don't have a job in TX. Teaching will absolutely not work - I have to be certified as a music teacher, not a regular teacher, and that kind of certification is not offered on a provisional context. You have to go and get a degree. TAMU doesn't have any music ed programs, and frankly I don't want any more school for awhile. It sucks because that was an assistant job, but they still want the piece of paper, so fine. I also thought I had an interview at the children's museum in BCS, but turns out they just wanted to talk to me so they could tell me they'd hired someone else. Awesome. - Thanks to an amazing friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, I have a great internship position waiting for me at the local NPR station. I've also applied at a hotel doing event planning and a newspaper doing design work, so we'll see if any of that pans out. I committed to an apartment, and while I have been freaking out lately about moving down there with nothing, I know something will come through. And if not, I'll make coffee and intern at the station and keep the heat low and get through it, like I did in lafayette. It's not forever. - Although my living situation has become poisonous, the fact that I only have 15 days left to live here has made me completely calm. It has been ridiculous and a host of other adjectives, but it's almost over!

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October 28th, 2007

Current Music: some crakly country coming out of the radio Current Location: laundry-mat Time: 07:42 pm Current Mood: sleepy

I had an awesome birthday last weekend, so thanks for all the love :) Jon's cousin got married in ohio, so he came down last thursday and we drove to the wedding via back roads and  state highways, which was awesome because the leaves were changing but it wasn't cold, rainy and nasty yet. The cold, rainy and nasty weather came during the week, specifically on tuesday morning when I took him back to the airport at 4:30 am. Being the genius that I am, I simultaneously planned to stop for gas on the way home and decided that taking my purse would be too much of a bother, so I stuck my license and phone in my pocket and off I went. So of course, when I ran out of gas just south of indy on the way home, I had no one to blame but myself. Let me tell you, there is nothing more dehumanizing than standing in your pj's and a hoodie outside a gas station at 5 am asking people if they can spare some cash so you can drive home. One guy saw me crying and came up to ask me if I was ok, but when I explained the situation, he turned on his heel without a word and walked away. Finally some man gave me some cash but he was really shitty about it, so I couldn't even feel happy about the kindness of strangers. so never never never go to the gas station without money to put into your gas tank. This week went by in a blur, since all the time I had to myself I spent trying to catch up on work from last week and get a jump on things that are due this week. I left thursday to go up to Kim's for the wedding, and the whole weekend was absolutely awesome. It was so good to see Kim again, not to mention Caitlin, Christ, Ashley and Noel. Even though I DD'ed the bachelorette party, I had an awesome time checking out all the townie bars in Logansport. I got proposed to twice and then got the finger from the same guy, had some guy with gnarly teeth ask me if I wanted to go somewhere more quiet, sang karaoke once by myself (poison!) and once with this older lady who just wrote down my name and hers on the slip so that when they called it out I was really confused. but the best part of the night was when some woman came up to Kim and said, "honey, here's some advice about marriage - take it from someone who's been married five times!" Hahaha. Friday we ran errands and got our nails done, then went to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner at the Cass County Carousel which was really fun, seeing as how I had never been on a carousel with ring-catching before. We spent the night in a camper outside Kim's parents' house drinking white russians and watching the golden girls, because it's Kim :) The wedding was beautiful on saturday despite some random setbacks, and the reception was at this awesome bed and breakfast where we all stayed the night. I had way too much wine, and apparently so did the bride and groom since they spent the weekend talking about how they wouldn't do the worm in their formal wear, but ended the night with an amazing double-worm dance performance. I drank way too much wine and it was such an awesome time. I am a little sad because now I don't know when I'm ever going to get to hang out with Kim again, but I'm so happy for her that they are finally married and get to be together and all the long-distance and stupid california crap is out of the way. In other news, I've been courting a teaching job in TX for january, and I have a phone interview thingie with the orchestra director of the school tomorrow. I'm not sure they'll consider me because I don't have my teaching certificate and can't seem to figure out how to get an emergency certification in Indiana. But if he wants to talk to me, they must be considering me a little bit. I'm trying not to get too excited, but the job looks like a really good fit for me. The director mentioned having me come in to observe, and I hope he means it because I could really use a bonus trip to TX :) We'll see how it turns out, but keep your fingers crossed for me!

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October 15th, 2007

Current Music: Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie Current Location: blue house Time: 07:05 pm Current Mood: mellow

I've always had lukewarm feelings for Death Cab, but lately I've been cloaking myself from head to toe in Transatlanticism (the song, not the album). I have also had a lot of thoughts, but they're really only for one person, so they don't belong here.

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October 3rd, 2007

Current Music: Dig - Incubus Current Location: blue house Time: 11:35 pm Current Mood: worn out

You probably don't even know it, but sometimes you save me. And I never tell you, because you never tell me, but this song was yours before it was even written. We all have someone that digs at us, (at least we dig each other) So when sickness turns my ego up I know your laughter's a clever medicine If I turn into another dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me Sing this song remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone Oh, each other when everything else is gone And I'll never know, because we never say, but I'd like to think that sometimes I save you too.

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September 30th, 2007

Current Music: football Current Location: blue house Time: 07:11 pm Current Mood: happy

I spent the morning helping to set up the Red Cross charity book fair that's going to happen here next weekend. More specifically, I spent over 2 hours unpacking boxes of romance novels and arranging them on tables and shelves. Things to know: - There are a ridiculously high amount of romance novels that either take place in texas or are about a person from/going to texas. I know a lot of women have the cowboy fantasy thing, but there are a lot of other states that can be associated with cowboys other than texas. So what makes texas so sexy, anyway? (for people other than me, I mean) - There were also a ton of romance novels that heavily rely on babies as a part of the plot. Making babies, raising babies in the wake of philandering husbands, losing babies, looking for daddies for babies previously acquired from philandering husbands, etc, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and I'm very excited to have some later in life. But they strike me, in a fantasy novel situation, as being the unsexy part of sex. I guess middle-aged women are predisposed to fantasizing about having babies more than having wild unbridled sex with texan cowboys that will never change their barbarian ways, or button their shirts up all the way. - Someone decided there had to be a series of romance novels in which every book takes place in a different state. Of course, the men are all stereotypical men of the state - california hollywood playboys, new york businessmen, cowboys from all over. - Danielle Steel is a machine. Also! - week 6 means that time is moving. fall is coming. winter will follow. - I'm almost old! and I get to see the three loves of my life in the span of a week, just 2 weeks from now. - work and looking for work still suck. but like I said, fall is coming and winter will follow. - favorids :) every day.

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September 27th, 2007

Current Music: voices carry - til tuesday Current Location: blue house Time: 12:00 pm Current Mood: hungry

A low point, to be sure, but now I feel like I have things a little better in perspective. It sucked a lot to find the perfect job, spent time crafting my resume and cover letter and writing samples and everything to fit their exact needs, only to apply on the very day they hired someone else. This compounded after a week or two of complete crap and disrespect from my boss and my program and even some of my friends and the post man, and it's no wonder that it just felt like the last straw for me. But here are some things: - it's only september. in a way, that sucks, because I want december. I want out of this damn program and on with my life. but there is time left. if it were november 26 instead, I'd be justified in feeling like the world has ended. but right now I don't feel that way. there is still time. - it's not even about the job, it's about the life, and the job has nothing to do with that. all this time I've been obsessing about the job because, to me, it's a tangible step on the way to the life. in a way that's true, but not really. the life is being there, finally, with someone I love who is there for me and will be there for me regardless of a job. and that's not going anywhere. - sometimes it's ok to not have an escape route. - if I do have to move there and volunteer somewhere for the semester and work a dinky job full time at night just to survive, I've done it before. yes, it will suck, because it sucked the last time, and I won't have health insurance or free time or anything, ever. but this time, I will have someone to come home to, and for me that makes all the difference. that's all I've wanted for the past 2.5 years. I've been trying to focus all of my energy away from hating what my life in bloomington has turned into and on to MAKING IT HAPPEN. but I don't even need to bother, because it's happening anyway. of course I still hate being trapped in bloomington wasting my life, but my life is going to change for the better in december regardless of who hires me or doesn't.

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September 26th, 2007

Current Location: blue house Time: 11:07 pm Current Mood: numb

uggggggghhhhhhh. I was not manufactured for the highs and lows of the job search. but I hate the thought of settling. I am at an elevated state of the following: - neuroticism - emotional fragility - obsessiveness - edgy jumpiness - wide-eyed blank stares - avoiding everyday life ...and a lowered state of the following: - interest in my appearance and grooming - interest in my coursework - tolerance for people around me Until I get my life after December 14 ironed out, I feel like this is the way I'm going to be. I hate it, but it's there. Every time I have a massive amount of stress from a situation I either can't control or don't know how to control, this is the mental place I go to.

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September 24th, 2007

Current Music: Lifehoues - First Time Current Location: blue house Time: 10:45 pm Current Mood: drained

Dear Boss, I don't really think it's acceptable for you to think up crazy and borderline laughable projects, ask me to research them, ask me to pitch them to higher-ups because well I did all the research so really I would know best, and then leave me hanging when they tell me that they don't like the idea. It's also not acceptable to call said projects my "babies" in front of said higher-ups and act as though I came up with them in the first place. I think they're dumb! I think you're dumb! I think it's dumb that I have to be around your dumb self and your dumb ideas just because you're my boss! Sincerely, Me p.s. I also frequently want to bash your face in. *** Other things: - I'm working on job applications to go back to BCS for the spring. I want things so badly that they're starting to control my life. I just want to find something I can live with and GO already. - Contrary to what a normal person may feel, every day I am more and more glad about something. - I don't really think it should take 12 emails for me to set up a meeting with my dean. That's a little excessive. - 11 more mondays. plus I am busy every weekend from now until december. - this guy!

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September 17th, 2007

Current Music: Nightswimming - REM Current Location: blue house Time: 01:48 pm Current Mood: listless

I had a relatively rockin weekend, thanks in large part to mlles. muscle and dangerous. The highlight was this exchange: Drunk unattractive guy standing next to me in the bathroom line at Irish Fest: You're pretty. My name is Chris, what's yours? Me: Elisabeth Guy: That's my mom's name! You know, guys are supposed to fall in love with girls who are just like their moms, so maybe you're my soul mate. Me: Oh really? Drunk unattractive girl walks up next to guy. Guy: Umm.....this is my wife. Me: Your wife? Girl: Yeah, his wife! Me: Hi, nice to meet you. Guy to wife: Damn, why you always got to be cock-blocking me? On a less hilarious note, do you ever encounter drama that you are convinced is only existing in your head, and thus have to exert quite a bit of effort to retain it in your head so as not to look like a complete asshole and scare up some drama that wasn't real just a second ago? Absolutely exhausting. There are only 12 Mondays left before I am done with IU. That's not so many.

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September 13th, 2007

Current Music: Here Comes my Girl - Tom Petty Current Location: blue house Time: 10:04 am Current Mood: loved

and then she looks me in the eye and says, "we're gonna last forever," and man, you know I can't begin to doubt it no, because this feels so good and so free and so right, I know we ain't never gonna change our minds about it

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September 12th, 2007

Current Location: blue house Time: 10:58 pm Current Mood: laughing my ass off

If you're not in the state of Indiana, you may have missed this amazing tidbit of news: Man slashes woman with samurai sword Of course, on monday evening when my roommate and I called the police because the neighbors across the street were having a huge screaming fight in the middle of the street, we had no idea what was at the root of the problem. Turns out, it was a puppy. Holy crap. I knew we lived in a strange part of town, but this is a little much. Amazingly, the story was on fox news and all kinds of other news outlets, since it got picked up by the associated press. We're so famous! But my favorite part is that, in the associated press condensed version of the story, the last two sentences are always this: "Taylor remains in the Monroe County Jail. The puppy was not injured."

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